I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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