you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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