Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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