Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
