I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
