ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
