Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
