I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
