Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
