THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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