I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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