omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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