I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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