My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize