end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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