So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
