my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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