Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last night I used snow as a chaser
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize