your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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