I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
