we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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