I want to make a zoo with you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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