we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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