Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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