HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
