the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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