oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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