Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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