I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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