But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
