soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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