Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
