After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
