You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize