Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
