I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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