I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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