i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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