Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
