my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
