I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
