I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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