you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
