Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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