I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize