She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
