Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
