You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
