so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
