I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
