Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
