none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
