So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize