she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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