Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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