yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
