ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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