we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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