When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
