You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
