I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
