I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
