So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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