I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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