I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
