i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
